Maybe This Time

So basically, I just finished buying the entire Glee CD, and my life is completely.. uhm... complete? That sentence didn't come out right. But anyways... I just read this post that Tony did, and it made me think. It was about dating. And everything he said was completely true. Ok, so I am pretty sure that I am spelling completely wrong. I am huh? All well. As I was saying, Tony gets it. And the post reminded me high school. Good lord I cannot type. I’m fixing it for you but I am missing like half of the letters, and all the other words are spelled wrong. Goodness. I am ADD tonight.

What was I saying? Oh yeah, high school. I dated a lot of guys. I was kind of a whore. Without the kind of. I got to the point during my sophomore and junior years that I could just ignore a guy for a week or so if liked him, then simply smile at him and give him a compliment and he was mine, and would do anything I wanted. I loved the power. Boys, no matter how sweet and innocent a girl looks, she loves the power you give her. I became addicted to it. I would tired of guys very soon after I got them, so most of my relationships didn’t last too long. I was a horrible girlfriend. I was way too flirty, and cheated a lot. I am not quite sure how I got all of those guys to go crazy over me in retrospect. I was horrible.

Anyways, you heard my boyfriend history. That’s a story all of its own. I finally did fall in love with Sam. But it couldn’t keep me from cheating. I hated myself, but I couldn’t stop. I saw good looking boys everywhere I looked, and would imagine the ways I could get them to want me, what I would do to torture them. Because I loved it, the torture part. The part where they were obsessed with the chase, or what they thought was a chase. Really it was me manipulating them. I loved it, and I am pretty sure most girls do it a few times in their lives.

Then I moved to Indiana with my dad. Which is a horrible story, I’m putting off all of the horrible stories huh? Anyways… I was still a whore. There weren’t as many guys in the little small town in Indiana though. But I still kept up the games. Until I met Michael. I met him while I was dating this kid Jake, who I liked, but he was just a game. [A very fun one too. I got him to leave his girlfriend for me. Yes, I know I am a horrible person. Shut up.] But when I met Michael, or Finley as everyone knew him as, I couldn’t see anyone else. I tried to trap him, and it didn’t work. He was 3 steps ahead of me the whole time. He made me chase him. Not to mention he was gorgeous, and funny, and sweet. I was screwed.

I did end up dating him on and off for a long time. I loved him head over heels. When I was with him, I never saw any other guys. I only saw him. It was amazing. A total transformation of the whore to the loving girlfriend. Unfortunately, he wasn’t as changed. He was a man-whore. He cheated, he lied, he was cheap, and he treated me like shit. I didn’t even see it for a long time, I was too blinded by love and by all of his good qualities that I didn’t see the bad ones. I broke up with him so many times, but he kept crawling back and I kept falling for it. Over and over and over. At one point when he decided to start speaking to me again he had a new girlfriend. He didn’t even tell me about her. He cheated on her with me. I didn’t even find out until much later. When I found out we were at a movie theatre about 20 miles away from where I lived. I started walking home. He chased after me, and convinced me all over again. By the end of our relationship I was a wreck. What finally made me realize what exactly was going on was on one of our ‘dates’. He was trying to win me back so he took me to my favorite restaurant, Olive Garden. He said he would pay. He was too cheap, and made me pay for most of it. He also promised we’d go to a movie, but we didn’t do that either. It was ‘too expensive’. I think we ended up having bad sex in the back of his P.O.S. car behind some store. Hobby Lobby if I remember correctly. After that, I just couldn’t deny it. He was bad for me, and he wasn’t going to change. So I ended it for good.

So I totally get what Tony is getting at, and it is totally true. You meet someone and they totally knock you on your ass. Just make sure when you land there you keep your eyes open.



Update: I just looked up completely on Word and apparently I was spelling it right, yay me.

Update x2: I figured you should know what he looks like, so you can feel my pain. Plus, I would love to brag. Sorry about the terrible quality.

Cancer boy

I'm a bitch. Plus I am having a horrible day. So i'm going to write a very depressing post that you won't care about, but it will make me feel better (dammit). Most people assume that they are depressed. I'm not sure why, but the general population of American thinks that having a bad day every once in a while MUST be depression. I think it is because of all of the WebMD like sites that make every person alive a hypochondriac. But anyways. I actually do have depression. Severe. It didn't used to be severe, but it developed as I got older and went through more horror. I ran out of my anti-depressants [aka Happy Medicine] on Friday. The pharmacy says that the medicine is on manufacturer backorder. Which basically means that I will be living without it for a while. Which means that I am going to get more and more bitchy and more and more weepy and more and more wordy apparently. This is not a good thing. Because even with my happy medicine, i'm a mild depressive. I get messed up over the littlest things.

Now that I am done with the backstory, today was a bad day. I don't really know why. Maybe it was because I had to stay up until midnight last night writing a paper I forgot about. Or because it takes me a long time to fall asleep, and right after I had, my roommate came back. Take into account that it is now 4 am. I had gotten about an hours worth of sleep at this point. She decided to bang around and turn all of the lights on and even made the microwave beep a few times somehow. Then I had to try to fall back to sleep. And I woke up at about 7. So I got 2 hours of sleep last night. Which is not good. Not for anyone. I don't function well without sleep. I get worse than usual. To keep myself awake in math I wrote my little sister, Moo, a letter.

The day got a little better after. I even got to go to dinner with my two loves, Amanda and Lily. Those girls make me laugh like nobody's business. I'll put up some of what I mean another time. But after, I got on Facebook. And my sister's ex boyfriend had gotten on this FB page they made together for school [it was Stalin's facebook, funny? NO.] and he was calling me fat while pretending to be her. This was the last straw. Cancer boy is going to die. And no, that is not in a jokey way. I went in and started crying to Amanda, after already crying to my mom on the phone of course, and that didn't help. So i'm taking the mature way out and starting a Facebook war. Which is completely fair because i'm and 18 year old professional bitch, and he's a 16 year old with a brain tumor. I don't know why but I keep typing toumor. Tis getting on my nerves.

Well, I have vented and feel better. I think i'll go cry myself to sleep now.

There will be a less depressing post soon. Sorry for subjecting you to that.

Chocobunk

I love coming up with random blog names that have nothing to do with anything in the actual post. Chocobunk is what I called chocolate milk when I was little. I still call it that. The only difference is now I know better, I think.

My week has been pretty uneventful. Except for the concert. Ohh, yeah. That.

Y'all know who that is? Gabe Saporta. COBRA STARSHIP. No? Nothing? Well, whatever. I'll tell you anyways.

Victoria's Secret had this contest thing that I had no idea about, and apparently our school won. So we got a free concert. Not just a concert, the concert. Cobra Starship and Girl Talk. Came to IU. And gave a show. Free. It was basically the best ever.

This group called Dot Dot Dot played too, but they were just the opener and sucked big time. They had this bassist who was probably 60 at least and was singing Lady Gaga and grinding all over the place. It was barfy. Wanna see Roomie's face when it happened?

Yep. That tiny asian is my roommate. She is actually really cool. And that guy in the back who looks like he's thinking too hard? That's Kyle. He is the most amazing gay man I have ever met.

ANYWAYS... Cobra ruled. I fell in love with them. And now my iTunes is full. Which is a great sign for them. Gabe told us to illegally download his songs. He told us to. He doesn't want us to buy their stuff, but whatever floats his boat. :]

That night I messed up my knee really bad, and it still hurts. So blah. I just think I'll complain some more.
Or maybe nap.
I'm boring today.

Dating?

First order of business...

K, now that we've established that...

Everyone is doing dating histories lately. So I thought I would do mine. Even though I am younger, I have some stupid exs [exes, ex's??]

Andrew:

Andrew was my first boyfriend, at the age of 12. He was also my first kiss, during a crazy game of truth or dare. He dumped me a week or so later because his friend told him to. You know how he dumped me? He yelled it to the entire bus. Which is humiliating when your 12.

Cody:

I had a few boyfriends in between Andrew and Cody, but I can't remember their names. So we'll go straight to Cody. He was my first 'love' at 14. Well, I thought he was but I actually wasn't until later. Anyways... Cody was your typical bad boy. And I like me my bad boys. We went out for like 3 months freshman year. During which point he cheated on my at least 2 times. Once with my best friend since the 7th grade. I still haven't forgiven her. I almost let him take my virginity too, but I chickened out. YAY! Needless to say I dumped him.

AJ:
Now that I am actually trying to write this, I can't think of basically anyone that I dated. All well. Next came AJ. I never actually dated him, but he's important. I lost my v-card to him summer after freshman year. He was the big jock on campus, and is still reallllly hot. We continued to hook up until I moved away my junior year. But, he's the reason I became a slut.

Ryan:
Ryan was this guy that I knew through mutual friends, and who had had a crush on me for years. But I never wanted him. Wanna know why? He was fat. Not cute fat, but HUGE. And slightly smelly. But he had a car my sophomore year, when no one else did. So I went out with him for the car. It was a really strange few months. I can't remember most of it, and I am sure that I blocked it out.

Sam:
I dumped Ryan for Sam. Sam wanted to take me to prom and Ryan did it. End of story. I had never actually spoken to the guy, but our mutual friend said he was obsessed with liked me. We went to prom and had an amazing time. And saw each other basically every day afterwards for nearly 6 months. Except for the times when he was in Europe or I was. He was a guitar player. And he was really romantic and sweet. At first. Then he became obsessed with the sex aspect of the relationship. Plus, he wasn't entirely over his ex. But we did stay together for almost 6 months. Until he cheated. Then lied about it and dumped me. And that is the lovely time when my body decided, HEY! She's completely depressed, let's knock her up! So, I was pregnant too. With his baby. Which sucked. You'll get the full baby story sometime in the future because it's just too long.

David:
I never dated David either, but I was going to before my dad made me move across the country. David was the guy who helped my best friend pick up the pieces that were left of my life. In the span of just a few weeks, I had messed my life up pretty completely [which is another long and depressing story. You'll get it later too], and he helped me feel better. I really did love him, and I still miss him sometimes.

Jake:
Jake was one of the first guys I dated when I got to Indiana. He was the complete opposite of Sam in basically every way, which I loved. Plus, he was freaking hillarious. We went out for a month before we both figured out we were better off friends. And he was my best friend for a long time afterwards. Till he wasn't. Damn, I have a lot of really sad and long stories.

Michael:
Michael was the last real boyfriend that I had. We started dating junior year and dated on and off for an entire year. I really liked him, possibly loved, but he was a headcase. He's nearly 20 now I think, or maybe he already is, and he graduated with my class. He has no sense of good/bad or right/wrong and no common sense. To put it plainly, he was an idiot. Who lived with his mom, dealt drugs, and cheated a lot. I am not quite sure why I put up with it, other than when he wasn't high he was amazing, but only if we were alone. If his friends were around he was a complete dick to anyone and everyone, especially me. Once, he was trying to win me back and took me to Olive Garden, which is my favorite restarant. Not only did he ask if the water was free, he bought the cheapest thing on the menu and didn't eat it, then he didn't have enough to pay for it. Classy huh? I'm glad to be rid of him to be honest. But a guy like him is really difficult to recover from.


Well that was it. The main boys in my life. Boring huh?

Stuff you should probably know about me, except you probably don't care.

I figured that since no one is reading this anyways, I'd write about myself.

I grew up in Everett, WA. Which is basically a little gang town north of Seattle. It's also a convergence zone. Which means it rains all the effing time. Yeah, it sucked, but I love it and can't wait to go back this Christmas.

I'm a spelling nazi. I always correct everyone. All the time. I can't help it. It's impossible not to. I blame my sister. She's basically a human dictionary. You hear that, Moo? Your fault.

I swear like a f*cking sailor. I have since I was 8 and my best friend Kayla taught me how. I try to stop, then I get really frustrated and give up. Yeah, I'm a quitter. Get over it.

I like boys. A lot. Even though I haven't had a boyfriend in basically forever. I want one, but they sadly do not want me back.

I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. Everyone says to do what you love and to try to make money off of it, but I love too much. I love animals, and sleep, and babies, and baby animals, and singing, and preforming, and design, and the tv show Bones. It's too hard to choose. I think i'm going to be an anthropology major, with a possible double in international studies. But i'm not sure. It's too hard. How are we supposed to choose what to do with the rest of our lives at 18? It's ridiculous. I don't even know what I want to eat for breakfast tomorrow. I'm very indecisive. It's not a good quality.

I'm rude. And in your face. And honest, brutally so. And a bitch. I would have put that first but i don't think putting bitch in bold is a great idea. Because of the children, damnit. :]

Sorry this post kinda sucked, but I thought I should get that out of the way.

Trevor attacks.

Soooooo basically... last night was terrifying. I decided to go to bed early. An hour later I was still awake because I have no life and basically troll blogs and play Farmville all day, so I got up to pee. Which was stupid.

There was a giant 2 inch long cockroach in the bathroom.

Which is SOOO not fun to discover when your peeing.

This is the conversation I had with myself:
Me: Finish peeing or run out screaming with no pants?
Myself: Finish peeing.
I: RUNNNNNN!! Its a fucking cockroach you crazy!!

I did, in fact, finish. By which point I was hyperventilating and in all out freak-out mode. Bugs are really up there on my list of shit-that-I-never-want-to-see-while-peeing. Or ever for that matter. Cockroaches are just under butterflies on the scary bugs list. Oh yeah, and btw, I like lists.
What was I talking about?
Oh yeah...

So I ran across the hall to my friends' dorm, and basically ran in and started squeaking and jumping in circles.
I'm pretty sure I sounded like a bat.
It went something along the lines of OHMYGODTHERESACOCKROACHINTHEBATHROOM!MANDAMAKEITGOAWAY!!
And Manda went into the bathroom to look at the offending alienbug.
Then promptly ran out again.

I went to the older girls on my floor to see if they had a guy in their room to get the bug OUT.
They did not, but one almost threw up.
Then my lovely RA decided to tell us that if you squish a cockroach you get tapeworms from its stomach.

Long story short, we found a guy with a big boot to kill it. Then suite-mate Caro and I cleaned up the bathroom. She picked up the remaining bits with a giant trash bag on her arm, and I mopped.
It was icky.
Just saying.

Anyways, apparently my RA lied, and you can't get tapeworms from cockroaches unless you basically eat them raw... Which is good I guess.

Oh, and my roommate decided to name the cockroach Trevor.
Needless to say, he did not get a funeral.

Now to find out how the hell he got in there...