MLIA?

Today is a better day... mostly. I'm still on iffy grounds with part of it. I texted my old best friend last night, because I am apparently an idiot. His name is Kevin and he's freaking hillarious. But we drifted at the beginning of the year. It was mostly because I am a jealous bitch. ANYWAYS. I texted him and we both blame each other for what happened. So now i'm sad. But it's much better than last night's sad.

Now that that's out: I will write a cute post about basically nothing. And you will love it. :]

My grocery list: (Reasons in green)

• Applesauce Because I can't swallow pills, so I crush them up and put them in applesauce. It works. Shut up.
• Cups of noodles I eat these like nobody's business. It's m staple food.
• Oreos Because who doesn't love oreos??
• Book(s?) I read really fast. Like I read the last Harry Potter book in a day, and that wasn't just because I am a huge HP nerd. I read all the time, and always have a book.
• Rain boots It's rainy season. Plus they are way cute.
• Laundry sheets Because I use those 3in1 sheets, so I don't have to deal with the stupid liquid, because I always spill it. Always.  And I only have like 2 washes left.
• Hand soap For our jonette. I'm not sure why it's called a jonette. It's a toilet and sink in between my dorm and our suite mate's dorm. Fun.
• Weights To make muscle. And lost fat.
• Yoga mat For yoga like excersises. And sleeping on the floor.
• Medicine ball Working out. I am on this get Julia skinny kick.
• Exfoliant Because my face gets dry and flaky in cold weather. And looks ew.

Well, wasn't that interesting. I'm curious to see whether or not the green shows up. Becuase I wonder about pointless things like that. Good stuff.

Now... onto the good part. I have this new obsession, well... not so new, with a website called MILA. AKA My Life is Average. It's a spoof of FML, and it is way funny. Now... to some of my favorites:

Today, my sisters were talking about how everyone they know (including themselves) was getting pregnant. One said "There must be something in the air," As my dad was passing by, he just stopped and said "Yeah. Your legs." and went back to what he was doing. MLIA

Today, I was standing at a bus stop with my friend and I violently sneezed. All of a sudden a car came out of nowhere and a guy yelled "BLESS YOU!" out the window. I sneezed again, he pulled a U-Turn and blessed me one more time. Thank you kind stranger. MLIA.

Today, my friends and I went to Starbucks wearing our Harry Potter scarves, hats, and ties. As the worker handed me my cup he leaned in and whispered,"Off to Hogwarts?" I said,"Yeah actually." Later I looked at my recipt not only was everything priced way less than it usually is but there was a note that read, "See you there." Soul. Mate.

Today, some men whistled at me when I walked down the street. I'm a male. I felt pretty. MLIA

Today, I realized that FML is categorized into eight categories; love, money, kids, work, health, intimacy, miscellaneous, and dating horror stories. If MLIA were to have categories, I believe that our eight would be; harry potter, wal-mart, hating twilight, random strangers, soul mates, marriage proposals, awesome parents, and school. MLIA

Today, my engineering professor brought his computer up on the projector. Everyone went "awwww" at his desktop background, which was of his 5 young kids. He turned around, looked at the picture, then turns back and said "And that, kids, is why you should always use a condom," and went right back to teaching. MLIA

Today, I was reading MLIA and it was about sending bananas in the mail. I'm a mailman, and so far I have delivered five bananas all to different people. Thank you MLIA for making my job a little more exciting.MLIA.

Today, my friend has his appendix taken out. His mother and I were sharing a box of Gobstoppers while we waited for him to wake up from the anesthesia, and after pouring a few pieces into my hand, I dropped one. Upon the candy hitting the floor, my friend, who was still very much asleep, sat straight up in bed, said, "Who's wasting candy?" and laid back down. His mother and I couldn't stop laughing, and he has no memory of it at all. MLIA.

A while ago I introduced my father to my first boyfriend. The only thing my dad said to him was "If you hurt my daughter, remember I have a shovel and woods. No one will find the body." Several months later, he broke up with me. Today, my dad and I were at Home Depot buying a shovel. my ex saw us, and my dad pointed to the shovel. The look on my ex's face was priceless. MLIA

Today, a customer by the name of Victor Krumm called my work. Hesitantly, I asked him if he was familiar with Harry Potter. There was a pause, then he said in a worried, hushed tone, “Damn! The muggles know!” And hung up. I still don’t know what he was calling for originally. MLIA.

Today, my English teacher told us we had to write an essay on what we wanted to be when we were little. Most of the girls wrote Princesses,and most of the boys wrote race-car drivers. I was looking through my diary when I was 6...apparently I wanted to marry Big Bird, raise an army of mutant gummy worms, and take over Candyland. I got 100% and a Pokèmon sticker. MLIA

A few months ago I told my friend I hated the letter E. I didn't have a reason why I just did not like it. For my birthday he got me a book that had the front and back covers torn off. Today, when I finished the book I went to him and said something seems weird about this book. He handed me the front cover. The book was tittled "Gadsby: A Story of Over 50,000 Words Without Using the Letter "E". MLIA.

Today, I asked my girlfriend of three years to marry me. She said no. Feeling hurt and confused I nodded and got up from kneeling, only to see her get down on her knee and propose to me with a ring-pop. I accepted. MLIA

Today, I went chainsaw shopping with my dad. We were looking at electric ones, but my dad complained about how he can't go on a murderous rampage while attached to a wall. The looks on the surrounding customers made my day. I love my dad. MLIA

Today, I decided to have some fun at the mall by walking up to random women, and saying in a stern voice, "I know about the affair." Four said they didn't know what I was talking about, five begged me not to tell their husbands, and three women paid me off. New hobby? I think so. MLIA

Today, my friend and I said hello to a man with a hook for a hand. I immediately hung my jacket on his hook before walking away without another word to him. My friend looked horrified and apologized profusely for me. I don't think I'll tell her that he's my dad, and I have coat rack privileges. MLIA

Today, while talking to my girlfriend via webcam we decided to have a staring contest. While it was happening, I noticed that there was a button to freeze the video. I won. MLIA

Today, I was looking at the warning label on my new matress, it said; WARNING: Please do not attempt to swallow. I am wondering how many people have tried to swallow a twin sized matress and how it worked out for them. MLIA

Today, I tried out number 17 in the 333 ways to get kicked out of walmart : Go up to an employee and in a official tone say "code three in house ware" and see what happens...to which he replied, 'By God, they need me!' and took off running. MLIA

Today, I read that when NASA first started sending astronauts in space they discovered that ball point pens didn't work in zero gravity. They spent a decade and 12 billion dollars to develop a pen that would write in zero gravity, upside down, under water, on any surface and tempatures that reached 300 degrees below zero. The Russians used a pencil. MLIA

Today, I realized that if you set the iGoogle theme to the "Beach" option, then at 3:14 AM every morning, the Loch Ness Monster surfaces for 1 minute, then at 3:15 dives back under. MLIA

Today, I read a story on MLIA that if you put your headphones in your nose and play your ipod really loud, you can hear the music through your mouth. I decided to try this myself. My mom walked into my room when I had my headphones in both nostrils while Sexyback was playing out of my mouth. She took one look at me and backed out slowly. MLIA


Today, two of my friends put two action figures on the ground in the hall at school. As my whole grade crowded around the action figures and screamed "fight fight fight" the teachers plowed through us to break up the "fight". There faces were pricless when they found it was superman and batman. MLIA

Today, while replacing an old fridge in my garage for a bigger one, I left the old one in the open garage while I took a phone call. When I came back not more than 10 minutes later, not only was the old fridge gone, but whoever took it had completely stocked the new one with soda and beer, leaving a note saying "Hope this pays for it". MLIA

Today, I was standing in line at Starbucks. I was unsure of what to order until I overheard the woman in front of me order a cup filled entirely of whipped cream for her toddler. Not only have I found the world's best Mom, I've also discovered my new favourite drink. MLIA.

Today, I was bored doing history homework. I decided to see what happens on Google Maps when you route from California to Taiwan. It told me to kayak across the Pacific ocean for 2750 miles. I have a new goal in life. MLIA

YOUR WELCOME.
mylifeisaverage.com

And as a parting gesture in this ridiculously long post: